Things Husbands Wishes Wife Would Do, More Often

Things Husbands Wishes Wife Would Do, More Often

A Relationship Article put together by the best couples therapists: Andrea Syrtash, author of Cheat on Your Husband (With Your Husband), Laura Berman, Ph.D., author of Quantum Love, Jill Vermeire a couples therapist. About Things Husbands Wishes Wife Would Do, More Often

It’s not just compliments and s*x he’s hoping for, though, let’s face it, they’re just Things Husbands Wishes Wife Would Do, More Often, he wouldn’t mind a little more of those too.

Take him to a dance party…

…Or to any other place you wishes to go, like going for a Picnic as you has the urge to do. Men feel relief when they get an occasional break from a woman’s serious, action-oriented sides. “Women today have to be very type A in order to get everything done, because there’s just a lot—the kids, the carpools, the work presentation, keeping the house clean, and more,” says couples therapist Laura Berman, Ph.D., author of Quantum Love. “So it’s hard to remember that sometimes your relationship just needs a hit of fun—whether it’s an impromptu bowling date, ordering pizza instead of slaving over the stove, or ignoring those work emails for an evening.” It’ll likely give you a night of relaxation that you probably need in more ways than one.

Make him know how awesome he is.

Though he’s not going to complain when anyone says something nice about him (who would?), but hearing it from you means more, and experts say it’s a man’s number-one relationship need. “The most important thing husbands crave from their partners is appreciation and approval—but it’s amazing how many of us are accustomed to telling our spouses what they’re doing wrong without balancing that out with positive feedback,” says relationship expert Andrea Syrtash, author of Cheat on Your Husband (With Your Husband). So for every time you whine about his football obsession or forgetting to take out the trash, remember to high-five him for picking up the kids from soccer or tell him how kickass his work presentation looked. It’ll get you big-time brownie points, not to mention a very smiley husband.

Go out most times with the girls.

We’re not saying your hubs doesn’t love having you around. But guys need time to themselves—and so do you—in order to feel their best, says Syrtash. “It isn’t always easy to give space when home, work, and family responsibilities demand so much time and attention,” she adds. So consider this your invitation to plan that girlfriend’s getaway, or even a long Saturday brunch. Get a sitter for the kids so he can do whatever he feels like, too—even if that means sitting in his man-cave and binge-watching Outlander.

Throw in a load of laundry.

Okay, before we trigger any outrage, let us explain: In healthy relationships, housework is divided up, but it’s not always split down the middle. What with jobs, kids and, uh, a life in the mix, sometimes one of you ends up cleaning more than the other. Which is cool—so long as it gets balanced out down the road, says Syrtash. And even if it’s “his task” to do the laundry, if he’s super swamped that week, do your best not to hem and haw about handling it. Tossing in a load sans complaint will show him you’re a team.

Let him get a bit vulnerable.

Alright, we admit it: The word “vulnerable” sounds all kinds of self-help-book cheesy. But until recently, it wasn’t really a thing for men to embrace their soft sides, failures, or weaknesses. “In our society, men don’t traditionally get to cry or admit they’re feeling scared or hurt, and may feel shame because these things aren’t ‘manly,'” says Berman. “That’s an unfair thing to ask of anyone, and leads to inauthenticity and broken communication.” Encourage him to open up about something from his past, and let him know it’s cool for him to always express how he’s feeling—not just when he’s playing the role of caretaker.

Have Initiate s*x.

You’re busy, overworked, exhausted. Girl, we feel you. But it may actually make you feel better if you get a little action, and he’ll be on top of the world if you’re the one to get things going. “S*x isn’t just a physical need for men,” says couples therapist Jill Vermeire. “It’s also their way of feeling connected to you.” She suggests just going for it—once a month could be a good goal—simply by sitting on his lap or tugging off his shirt. He’ll get the message pretty quick…and be all sorts of stoked to continue.

Compliment how well he’s balancing everything.

Ladies are pros at balancing everything, but give your guy some props because he’s likely busy at work, too. In fact, maybe give him extra props: Research shows a woman’s brain is built to be better at multi-tasking than a man’s, so it’s that much harder for him to juggle work life, home life, and a social life. And since you know he needs those appreciative words now, feel free to throw a few of ’em his way to show him you’ve noticed how hard he’s working.

Let him do anything he wants.

It’s natural to feel a little protective of your you-and-me time every now and again, but don’t guilt-trip him about it. Syrtash says that never ends well and it’s most likely going to make him more stubborn about doing whatever he wants. “Men want to enjoy outlets outside their marriage—friends, sports, whatever—and not be made to feel guilty about it,” she says. It might sound kind of “duh,” but if you’re honest, you probably do it sometimes, right? Don’t beat yourself up—just make a point of encouraging him (or at least not picking on him) next time he wants to go do his thing.

Be direct, but not bossy.

If you’re like, well, every woman on the planet, you probably have a system for how things should get done and you have no prob explaining each and every one. But for some reason, sometimes what we want in marriage gets lost. “Men commonly complain that they wish their wives would tell them specifically what they can do to make her happy instead of trying to guess all the time,” says Vermeire. In other words, try not to assume you’re on the same page, because that just turns into frustration on both ends. It’s not bratty or demanding if you nix the ‘tude and tell him what’s up with calm sincerity. He’ll be grateful you said it, and likely more than happy to make sure whatever it is you want gets done.

Put down your phone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah—quit rollin’ your eyes at us (we can feel it). You hear it all the time, but experts really say it bums your husband out to see you texting when he’s telling you about his day. Or scrolling through Instagram while you’re waiting for the waiter on date night. He might do it sometimes too—it’s a gender-neutral impulse, says Vermeire—but that’s no excuse. “Get into the habit of unplugging—no TV, phone, laptops, or Xbox—and just talk to each other at least once a week,” she suggests. The only exception? When you’re sending these sexy texts from across the room.

Hit the spa.

News flash: Your husband thinks you deserve to be spoiled (hell yes). He sees you working hard, juggling everything and everyone in your life, and wants you to give yourself a break. “For women who put their own needs aside, men often wish they would do nice things for themselves more often,” says Vermeire. “I know for sure men would like their wives to love their own bodies instead of criticizing themselves.” So book that massage or facial, and treat yourself to a new dress every once in awhile. So long as the budget isn’t being blown, chances are he’ll be stoked to see you loving up on yourself as much as you do everyone else.

Admire him in comparison to others.

Yes, guys love it when you praise them. But can you guess what they love even more? When you praise them in a way that makes them feel like there’s no one else you’d want (or could even imagine) doing it instead. “Men want to know that they are valued and irreplaceable,” says Berman. As silly as it might sound to tell him there’s no one who makes a better cup of coffee—even your favorite Starbucks barista—he’ll appreciate knowing all the ways he ranks #1 to you.

Let him help you sometimes.

This one sounds easy, but it’s actually insanely hard for most women (it’s part of that knowing how you want stuff done thing). “I hear men say, ‘I wish she would let me help her instead of trying to do everything herself,'” says Vermeire. “Or they’ll say, ‘I wish she’d acknowledge that I helped her instead of criticizing that I didn’t do it right.'” So maybe he didn’t arrange the living room the same way you would have before a visit from your in-laws. But he tried, and that counts for something, especially when the way he organized things probably isn’t going to destroy your feng shui. So take a load off, stop assuming you’re the only one who can roast that chicken properly, and let your husband take a crack at it. He wants to!

Tell him what you’re thinking in bed.

…Even if you’re not having s*x. Opening up about it when you’re not in the throes—how you’re feeling about it, whether you’re in the mood or not—is something that helps your husband understand you and your needs better. “It’s not just about telling him, ‘I love it when you touch me that way,'” says Berman. “Letting him know that you’re not in the mood, and maybe explaining why, clues him in to the fact that it doesn’t mean you don’t find him attractive or want to emotionally connect with him.” Sometimes words speak just as loudly as actions, so just tell him you’re tired already.

Always Thank him, thank him and thank him.

There’s not much your husband loves more (okay, except for getting frisky) than hearing those two magic little words. “Gratitude is big,” says Berman. “Many times we don’t realize how much partners crave appreciation, even if it’s for something he does all the time. Thanking him for taking out the trash or being a great dad means so much to him.” So start paying attention to the little stuff: He picked up milk. Thanks! He put the kids to bed. Thanks! He gave you the last bite of dessert. Thanks! Bonus: He’ll probably start showing you a little more gratitude, too.

Getting involved into Things Husbands Wishes Wife Would Do, More Often will you keep your home in order and make your marriage a wonderful life Experiences .

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